pet LOSS & GRIEF

As a therapist specializing in pet loss for over 16 years, two of the most common questions I hear from clients are: "When will I feel better?" and "Am I crazy?" These are natural questions to ask when experiencing the deep sadness and pain of losing a beloved animal in our life. Though it’s impossible to predict exactly when the pain will lessen or when you will feel "better," there are some key insights about grief and the healing process that can help.

First, knowing that grief is not linear. There is no set timeline for how long it will take to feel like yourself again. Some days may feel almost normal, while others may leave you feeling overwhelmed by sadness, confusion, or even guilt. These emotions are very common and part of the human experience of mourning.

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  • Grief is the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. While the loss of a pet can be deeply painful, it is not unusual to feel a wide range of emotions such as shock, anger, sadness, or even relief, especially if your pet was suffering.  These feelings can ebb and flow over time, often triggered by reminders or anniversaries of your pet’s death.

    The grieving process is unique to each of us.  Some people experience it as a series of stages, but many experts now understand that grief is typically much more fluid. It may not follow a set path, and you may revisit certain feelings at different times throughout the grieving process.

  • No, you are not “crazy”. Your grief over the death of an animal may be as intense, or more intense than the loss of a human.  For some people this is hard to hear.  If it’s true for you it is essential for you to know that this is not “crazy” – it reflects the depths of your connection, your love, and your loss.  It’s common for pet owners to feel a mix of emotions that can feel overwhelming, especially when others may not fully understand the depth of the bond between you and your pet. Society tends to minimize the grief of pet loss, but the love we share with our pets is real and powerful. It’s essential to honor your grief, even if it feels isolating or misunderstood at times.

  • I really want to give you an answer to this but it’s different for everyone – weeks, months, years.  This is because, just like any other form of loss, the grief you experience after losing a pet requires time, and we really need to allow ourselves to go through the ups and downs as they come. Over time, we adapt to a new normal, and the intensity of our grief will likely soften.

    What’s often most helpful is to understand that healing doesn’t mean “getting over it”, or forgetting our pets.  Instead, it means learning to carry our grief with us—acknowledging that it will always be a part of us, but it doesn’t have to control our every day. As you process the grief, you’ll begin to find ways to incorporate it into your life, adjusting to the physical absence of your pet and finding ways to cope with the emotions that come up.ription

  • Here are a few strategies that may help you cope with the loss of your pet:

    1. Allow Yourself to Grieve: Don’t suppress your emotions. It’s okay to cry, feel angry, or miss your pet deeply.

    2. Seek Support: Whether through friends, family, support groups, or therapy, connecting with others who understand your loss can be incredibly helpful.

    3. Create Rituals or Memorials: Honoring your pet’s memory through a ritual, a special photo, or even creating a memorial can be healing.

    4. Give Yourself Time: Healing takes time. Be patient with yourself and allow the grief process to unfold at its own pace.

    5. Self-care: In addition to grieving, take care of your emotional, physical, and mental health. Rest, eat well, and engage in activities that help you recharge.

Remember, the question of when you’ll feel better doesn’t have a definitive answer. But over time, your grief will likely become something you can live with, and you will find new ways to cope and even thrive. Your pet will always have a uniquely significant place in your heart, and their memory can continue to bring you comfort, connection, and love.